u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
