I didn't shave. On purpose
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Randomize
