I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
