I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
