so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Randomize
