So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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