So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
