can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
