Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Randomize
