She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
