I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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