She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I want her autograph on my taint
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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