Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
