dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize
