no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
There's even glitter on my cock...
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