what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
