I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Let's get the cat blown out
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
