i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
