I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
