I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
accomplished twins. life is a go
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
