So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Randomize