my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
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