remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Randomize
