Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
