Where did you get a picture of my penis
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
