A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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