people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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