I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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