i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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