he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
