she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
