At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
The Olympian is in my bed
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize
