Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
