we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
