I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Randomize