I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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