wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud