That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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