Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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