apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
