he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
