Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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