You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
