this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Randomize
