Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Randomize
