i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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