Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
