This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
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