Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
