Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
