Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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