I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
