what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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