mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize