I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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