i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
