To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
