her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
