That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
