So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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