I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
