mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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