I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
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