i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Randomize
