Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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