Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
