Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
