I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
