I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize