That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Randomize
