Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
