My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
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