there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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