You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
My liver just broke up with me...
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
How external is "for external use only"?
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
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