the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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