So drunk its hurt
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
