i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
