R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
